Another Day, Another 1 UP
by Chamomile Pool
Summary: Four employees of Bowser enter the break room. Stuff happens.


A one chapter comedy of sorts. ^_^ I wrote this ages ago, so it's not at all my best. Hope it's worth a modest laugh, though! Be merciful in your reviews, eh?

* * *

"Attention! Division N64 may have its break now! _Gwahahaha_!"

Division N64 consisted of only four workers; the others, unfortunately, had been recently squashed by Mario. These four employees of Bowser, the very spokes that kept Bowser's Keep wheelin' on, made their way to the break room, with unusual vigor. Each of them assumed their usual spot around the plain, stone table, which was in the plain room enclosed by stone walls (Bowser never was much of a creative decorator). A clock ticked away above them- They had 30 minutes.

Samson the Koopa sat down first, then Damian the Goomba, then Marty the Thwomp, and lastly, Shy Guy the Shy Guy. Respectively, they worked in the Stomp-Stomp department, the Nom-Nom department, the Thwomp-Thwomp department, and the natural resource allocation department. They were all veterens and knew eachother well, but to say that they were friends might've been jumping the block a few too many times.

"Guys, I've been thinking." All eyes were on Marty. "I told you not to do that," Damian remarked, but his words fell on an ear-less Thwomp. "We work our butts off here for Bowser, and he has never once thanked us for it. I mean, c'mon guys, Mario makes more by jumping around in our parking lot collecting coins than we ever do! What gives?"

"Stop complaining," Samson said, leaning back in his seat, trying to relax, "It's not like any of us would make it if it weren't for the guy in the big shell up stairs." Damian's eyes shifted left, then right, up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A. "No, no!" Damian jumped, then continued, "I think Marty's finally onto something! Think about it, all of you! Any one of us- Okay, mostly me - would be a better leader than Bowser! He gives all the big breaks and bonuses to his kids and gives them all the cool jobs- Even when they fail every single time! Yet we just sit here, wasting our lives away in this castle. I tell you, I'm sick of it; we need to start a revolution! We'll overthrow Bowser and bring a new order to the Keep! It'll be Damian's Keep, yes! Heh, heh, heh! I like the ring of that! Who's with me?"

Silence ensued, which was finally broken by Shy Guy, who muttered a weak, "Uhh... uhh... I.. am?" Damian shot into the air again and hissed, "Yesss! You are the only one with sense around here aside from me, Shy Guy! Samson, Marty, don't you want to be free from Bowser?" Samson and Marty exchanged glances, thinking the same thoughts, all the while.

"Bro," Marty said, "Sorry, but you're a psycho." Damian nearly popped a blood vessel. "A WHAT? You- You incompetent excuse for a paper weight! Marty, you're not one to talk; do you remember who just yesterday was talking about being abducted by aliens?" If Marty could've given a nod, he would've. "Ch'ya," The Thwomp replied, "And I tell you, I was *this* close to being pulled in! I was just mindin' my own business, and then I looked up into the sky; and there it was- This guy, sitting up in a cloud, dangling a mushroom in front of me with a fishing pole! Dude, I was almost a goner. He could've cut me open and extracted data from my mind, man, my miiiiiind!"

Damian rolled his eyes and muttered, "Oh, yeah, I'm crazy. The guy who screams 'alien abduction' is perfectly normal, but the Goomba with ambition, with dreams- No, he's crazy." Samson cleared his throat and asked, "Mr. Dreamy, do you remember what happened when Bowser was looking through our division and was about to pick someone for a promotion?" Damian gave a nod and answered, "Yes. He almost gave it to that good-for-nothing Cheep-Cheep."

"Yes, almost," Samson went on, "And do you remember what you did, to stop this from happening? Damian. YOU ATE HIM." Damian gave another nod and defended himself, saying, "Yes, and you would've done the same, if you were in my position! He was just an obstacle that I couldn't go under or over. I had to go through him." Shy Guy gave a weak cough and asked, timidly, "Uhh... With a fork?"

"Shut up, Shy Guy!" Damian shouted, "Nobody asked for your opinions! You don't even have a real name, for crying out loud. You're just a stock character thrown in as a foil to me- The main character. Just... Gah. I don't know why I even talk to you." Shy Guy was shivering and looked as if he was about to faint; Samson was twiddling his thumbs, and Marty couldn't hold in his silence for much longer.

"Dudes. I think I saw God the other day."

Damian's face collided with the table, and while his lips were pressed against the stone, he hissed a muffled, "Did you now, Marty?" Marty responded with a cheerful, "Yeah, man, it was so cool, too! And thanks for being so open about it, Damian; I didn't think ya had it in you, man. I thought you'd think I'm crazy, or somethin'." Damian lifted his face from the table, muttering in monotone, "No, no, Marty. Why would I ever think something like that?"

"I don't know," Marty replied, "Guess 'cuz you got issues. Yeah, anyway. So I was strolling down through the desert, y'know, like I do sometimes... And all of a sudden I see something fly across my face. And I was like, 'Woah! Wicked!' And I looked over to see what it was- And dudes, your not gonna believe what I saw."

"Let me guess," Samson asked, "You saw God?"

"How'd ya know?" Marty asked, before continuing, "It was pretty sweet. The sun had flown right across my face. And then it made another dive, and it cut through the air like a surfer through the water, and it road the wave all the way back up into the sky. It looked at me, man, and our eyes met- I swear, man, it happened!"

"What happened?" Damian mocked, "The sun tried to kill you! I wish it had, too! Gah! You're so annoying, all of you! Samson, you're the only normal one here." Samson gave a nod, saying, "Yep. That is definately a true statement." The room fell quiet for a while, and the minutes ticked away. There was little for one to do during their break, so these baddies- the type that could easily pick up boredom- couldn't go long without talking.

"Soo, uhhh..." Samson, Damian, and Marty looked towards Shy Guy, who was actually speaking up, "I... uhh... I think I'm in love." The other three were stunned to hear this- The quiet pipsqueak, in love? It was too good to be true. "Who's the lucky Shy Gal?" Samson asked, hoping to break the Shy Guy free from his natural hesitance. "You know... uhh.. the girl Bowser just kidnapped...?"

"YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THE PRINCESS?" Damian fell off his chair, laughing, rolling on the floor, laughing, rofling, on the floor. Laughing. The Shy Guy cautiously asked, "Is there... Something wrong... with that?" Marty thought for a moment and replied on behalf of Damian, who was too busy laughing to answer him, "I guess not, but man, that's Maro's girl. You're flirting with danger. Or, uh, danger's girlfriend." Samson nodded and added, "She's also nuts. If she knew about your feelings for her, she'd probably hit you in the back of the head with a frying pan."

Shy Guy shifted uncomfortably in his seat and admitted, "I guess it's hopeless... How could a pwetty girl like her... ever like me?" The Shy Guy began to sob, and tears began to pour from the eyes of the employee's mask. "Oh, c'mon, don't cry!" Samson said, "There's other fish in the sea- That is, if Damian here doesn't EAT THEM ALL."

Damian climbed back into his seat and retorted, "You're even more of a stock character than Shy Guy, here! You add no depth to this story, Samson! I don't even know why the author put you in this." Samson rolled his eyes and replied, "Duh? So what? Someone's gotta balance out the crazy going on with you and Marty." Suddenly offended, the Thwomp erupted, "Hey, hey! Guys! Dudes! Bro's! Guys. Things are getting a little outta hand here, don't you think? Can't we just be friends, and stop breaking the 4th wall?"

"No," Damian replied, "We can't. I declare war on you all. When my Goomba forces overthrow King Bowser and take over this Keep, you will have no place in my kingdom. I will take Princess Peach as my bride, and you three shall be banished to the Donkey Kong Country, where you'll spend years in the Bramble Blast level, constantly dying- again and again! Heh, heh, heh!"

"Goomba forces, huh?" Samson couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh, yeah, I'm afraid. Aren't you, Marty? I thought so. Listen up, Damian. You're not going to overthrow Bowser. In fact, you can't even throw a shot put without killing yourself. You don't even have arms." Fuming, Damian fought back, barking, "You, Samson, are more useless than Toad!"

From the other side of the room, Marty erupted in an, "Oohhhhh! You're going to need some ice... For that burrrrrn!" Shy Guy quietly laughed to himself. "Oh, yeah," Damian hissed, "I went there."

"And you, Damian," Samson fired back, "Are a pathetic pile of pixels; the only role you even had as a playable character was in a Mario Baseball game! I, on the other hand, am a Mario Kart star! What now?"

Marty jumped up into the air and landed on the table, causing it to crack down the center, due to his immense weight. "Duuudes, CHILL!" Damian jumped up on top the table as well, shouting, "SHUT UP, Marty!" Samson jumped up on top of the table, also, yelling, "Both of you- SILENCE!" Damian screamed, "THAT'S IT. You're all officially target practice for my elite Goomba Flower-Power forces! I cannot believe that I have tolerated you ignorant, INSOLENT LITTLE-"

"Uhhh... guys?"

Samson, Damien, and Marty all looked down at the still-sitting Shy Guy, all shouting at him, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Shy Guy cowered and sunk low into his seat, simply asking, "Didn't our break end... ten minutes ago?"


End file.
